Friday, February 9, 2018


When you think of November the first thing that comes to mind is Thanksgiving. A time of year you spend with family and loved ones, indulging in bangin food and enjoying each other’s company. It’s been 4 months, at this point I’d been staying with him more consistently. We were about to spend our first holiday together. I was excited to try and make some of my families main dishes, one being, Mac and cheese of course. So we take a trip to the grocery store to get all the ingredients we’d need to cook. I mention to him that I’d like to make something, he says,

“Nobody wants that Yankee shit”. 
“But you’ve never even had it”
“So what, I don’t want it and you’re not cooking it”

We get to the macaroni aisle, I walk over to get a box of it.

“Vicki, wtf are you doin? Put it back”
“It’s Thanksgivin, just try it”
“You think you need to be eatin’ that shit? Put it down”

He made me feel how parents make you feel when they tell you “when we get in this store don’t ask me for nothin cuz you ain’t gettin it”... yeah, so I put it down and walked away with a full on attitude like what kind of thanksgiving is this about to be.

We went home, he made breaded chicken and rice, I made veggies, and that was our thanksgiving dinner. The best part about it was the wine. So much for a first thanksgiving. I didn’t meet any of his family and we didn’t go to anyone’s house. 

Another incident that occurred this month was the time I went to get my hair done. He paid for my hair and nails to be done, all the time, which I liked. He always explained to me that he’d like his girl to look a certain way, and I definitely saw no problem with that. This particular time I decided I wanted a bun with a bang. He asked what I was getting, I showed him a picture, he gave me the money, and I was out. 

The stylist seemed to be having an issue getting the bun to stay up. I told the stylist it’s ok, I still liked it hanging down so I left it. I left the shop feeling cute, as most women do after getting their hair done. I sent him some pictures of the results, he responds,

“Wtf, why does it look like that?”
“Look like what? You don’t like it?”
“I’d have to see it in person”

I thought to myself like damn, do I look that bad? His comments didn’t phase me because I still felt like I looked good. 

Next stop is nails. I’m at the salon getting my nails done, he calls. 

I answer, “Hey Babe”

“Hey, wtf is that in your head”

“What you mean? It’s the same as i showed you in the picture”

“Vicki that’s not the same”

... I explained to him the issue that the stylist was having with pinning my bun... at this point he begins to get loud and angry. 

“I don’t give a fuck if he was having a problem, he should’ve had someone else do it, you waste my money getting some ratchet shit in your god damn head and then send me some picture asking me if I like it”

“Ok John” (we’ll call him John for story purposes) 

“Don’t ok me, you waste my fuckin money getting that bullshit. You think I want a girl walking around looking like someone off the street? 

“No John. Calm down, I can pin it up, it’s not that serious”

“You don’t know how to speak up for yourself and tell them to give them to give you what you’re paying for?”

“Yes I do but I didn’t think it was that serious”

I don’t fully remember how the conversation ended but I was sitting down getting my nails done, crying. Questioning myself like damn do I look that bad? Why is he so mad over a hair style? Yet again I felt like a child. I went home that night and pinned it up and took another picture and sent it to him. He responded,

“Now that’s better, next time get what we agree on” 

Later that night, I went to his house, he greeted me with a smile and hug as if everything was great, as if nothing that happened earlier ever transpired. 

Slowly but surely, I was feeding into his crazy behavior. Instead of standing up for myself and holding my ground, I was doing things to make him happy while it was hurting me on the inside. And I didn’t express it to anyone. Especially not him. 

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Septober Octember

When I met him I was very down and out about life and still holding on to the feelings I had for my ex. I was depressed, I felt lost in the world, lost in my love life, and hopeless. My mental state was nowhere near prepared for what was to come. 

It’s been 2 months and the love bombing continued, everything was still great. He said he’d help me find a new job and he was helping me lose weight. I was so excited for the new changes. September was just like August, happiness filled my soul and gave me purpose. During this time he decided to tell me that he was previously married. He had already gotten a divorce and was no longer dealing with his ex. He also openly told me that him and his ex wife got into several disputes. One of the incidents involved him slapping her.

When we first spoke about it, I wished I was there to see what exactly happened. (Like me seeing it would’ve changed anything) most people would’ve saw this as a red flag, clearly it wasn’t red enough for me because that didn’t change anything. I began to think, 
“Why would he do this to her?” 
“How did she make him that mad?”
“I don’t think I could ever make him that mad.”

My therapist asked me why I didn’t see it as a red flag and I explained to her that the way he told the story made it seem like it was nothing. Simply put, he told me that him and his ex were home and she was mad about something so she started going off and then it became physical. She started hitting him so he slapped her. He made it seem like it was in “self defense” he has shown me pictures of this girl, she’s like 5”7 120 lbs. meanwhile, he’s 5’11 220 lbs of pure solid muscle (at the time of the incident). When he smacked her, she probably flew across the room. Of course I wasn’t thinking about any of these things when he initially told me.

That red flag should’ve been enough to get me to stop talking to him, but because I didn’t view it in a threatening/ dangerous way, We continued dating and in my eyes, everything was going well. Around the end of October I went to visit my sister and shared with her how excited I was about him.

..November, he showed me more..

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Love Bomb

Phase one:

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and can be used for either a positive or negative purpose. 

I met him in August of 2017. Decent looking, chocolate brown man, about 5”11”, football like physic, big bright smile, no kids, nice cars, and had his own business. Everything flowed so easily with him. I felt comfortable talking to him. He was always so happy, so interested in knowing everything about me and he talked a lot! I wasn’t used to guys that talked as much as he did. I didn’t see that as a bad thing though.

Our first few outings were spent walking around the park and talking. Our first “official” date we went to dinner and the movies, nothing extravagant, but I enjoyed my time with him. I was so interested in him that I didn’t talk to or date anyone else while pursuing him. 

He did so many sweet things for me. It seems like he knew just what to say and do to make everything better. He sent me chocolates when I was feeling down, brought me lunch or came to my job to take me on lunch dates about 3 times out the week, he even went to MAC and picked out the make up I liked. Those monetary things were simply the icing on the cake. What I loved most was our conversations, we would talk for hours about our past, our families, and all of our hardships, we related on so many levels. 

I knew that I had finally found the ONE. He was everything I wanted. A 28 year old decent looking man, with so much going for himself and to top it all off he was sweet, attentive, honest, and caring. I admired him for not having baby mamas and for not falling victim to his circumstances. He was a unicorn in my eyes..

For the first time in my life I actually felt worthy, important, and loved by a man. 

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Break The Silence...

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry for the long awaited post. I've been dealing with a lot in 2017. Literally the entire year. So many changes have occurred since my last post so I will pick up from there. 
- I was in an abusive relationship
- Moved out of my first apartment
- Moved to Nashville TN 
- Joined a new church
- Found myself

It has been a chaotic, difficult, and emotional journey, to say the least. But here I am! God has made it possible for me to still be here to share every moment with you all. I was in an abusive relationship for a year, with a man who broke me down, someone I trusted, someone I loved. I was broken when I met him and became shattered in the midst of dealing with him. I have met amazing women that have endured the same thing and I have built up my courage to share and empower others going through the same thing, this is apart of my healing. Domestic violence is wayyyy bigger than me, 

"20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the U.S alone." 1 in 3 women and 1 and 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime."

Being so open about my experiences, emotions, and reliving these incidents will be hard for me and in no way am I doing this because I want anyone to feel bad for me. I want to inspire, motivate, and strengthen those that are still in their situations. You are not alone and you are stronger than you think.