Sunday, December 31, 2017

Septober Octember

When I met him I was very down and out about life and still holding on to the feelings I had for my ex. I was depressed, I felt lost in the world, lost in my love life, and hopeless. My mental state was nowhere near prepared for what was to come. 

It’s been 2 months and the love bombing continued, everything was still great. He said he’d help me find a new job and he was helping me lose weight. I was so excited for the new changes. September was just like August, happiness filled my soul and gave me purpose. During this time he decided to tell me that he was previously married. He had already gotten a divorce and was no longer dealing with his ex. He also openly told me that him and his ex wife got into several disputes. One of the incidents involved him slapping her.

When we first spoke about it, I wished I was there to see what exactly happened. (Like me seeing it would’ve changed anything) most people would’ve saw this as a red flag, clearly it wasn’t red enough for me because that didn’t change anything. I began to think, 
“Why would he do this to her?” 
“How did she make him that mad?”
“I don’t think I could ever make him that mad.”

My therapist asked me why I didn’t see it as a red flag and I explained to her that the way he told the story made it seem like it was nothing. Simply put, he told me that him and his ex were home and she was mad about something so she started going off and then it became physical. She started hitting him so he slapped her. He made it seem like it was in “self defense” he has shown me pictures of this girl, she’s like 5”7 120 lbs. meanwhile, he’s 5’11 220 lbs of pure solid muscle (at the time of the incident). When he smacked her, she probably flew across the room. Of course I wasn’t thinking about any of these things when he initially told me.

That red flag should’ve been enough to get me to stop talking to him, but because I didn’t view it in a threatening/ dangerous way, We continued dating and in my eyes, everything was going well. Around the end of October I went to visit my sister and shared with her how excited I was about him.

..November, he showed me more..

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Love Bomb

Phase one:

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and can be used for either a positive or negative purpose. 

I met him in August of 2017. Decent looking, chocolate brown man, about 5”11”, football like physic, big bright smile, no kids, nice cars, and had his own business. Everything flowed so easily with him. I felt comfortable talking to him. He was always so happy, so interested in knowing everything about me and he talked a lot! I wasn’t used to guys that talked as much as he did. I didn’t see that as a bad thing though.

Our first few outings were spent walking around the park and talking. Our first “official” date we went to dinner and the movies, nothing extravagant, but I enjoyed my time with him. I was so interested in him that I didn’t talk to or date anyone else while pursuing him. 

He did so many sweet things for me. It seems like he knew just what to say and do to make everything better. He sent me chocolates when I was feeling down, brought me lunch or came to my job to take me on lunch dates about 3 times out the week, he even went to MAC and picked out the make up I liked. Those monetary things were simply the icing on the cake. What I loved most was our conversations, we would talk for hours about our past, our families, and all of our hardships, we related on so many levels. 

I knew that I had finally found the ONE. He was everything I wanted. A 28 year old decent looking man, with so much going for himself and to top it all off he was sweet, attentive, honest, and caring. I admired him for not having baby mamas and for not falling victim to his circumstances. He was a unicorn in my eyes..

For the first time in my life I actually felt worthy, important, and loved by a man. 

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Break The Silence...

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry for the long awaited post. I've been dealing with a lot in 2017. Literally the entire year. So many changes have occurred since my last post so I will pick up from there. 
- I was in an abusive relationship
- Moved out of my first apartment
- Moved to Nashville TN 
- Joined a new church
- Found myself

It has been a chaotic, difficult, and emotional journey, to say the least. But here I am! God has made it possible for me to still be here to share every moment with you all. I was in an abusive relationship for a year, with a man who broke me down, someone I trusted, someone I loved. I was broken when I met him and became shattered in the midst of dealing with him. I have met amazing women that have endured the same thing and I have built up my courage to share and empower others going through the same thing, this is apart of my healing. Domestic violence is wayyyy bigger than me, 

"20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the U.S alone." 1 in 3 women and 1 and 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime."

Being so open about my experiences, emotions, and reliving these incidents will be hard for me and in no way am I doing this because I want anyone to feel bad for me. I want to inspire, motivate, and strengthen those that are still in their situations. You are not alone and you are stronger than you think.