When I met him I was very down and out about life and still holding on to the feelings I had for my ex. I was depressed, I felt lost in the world, lost in my love life, and hopeless. My mental state was nowhere near prepared for what was to come.
It’s been 2 months and the love bombing continued, everything was still great. He said he’d help me find a new job and he was helping me lose weight. I was so excited for the new changes. September was just like August, happiness filled my soul and gave me purpose. During this time he decided to tell me that he was previously married. He had already gotten a divorce and was no longer dealing with his ex. He also openly told me that him and his ex wife got into several disputes. One of the incidents involved him slapping her.
When we first spoke about it, I wished I was there to see what exactly happened. (Like me seeing it would’ve changed anything) most people would’ve saw this as a red flag, clearly it wasn’t red enough for me because that didn’t change anything. I began to think,
“Why would he do this to her?”
“How did she make him that mad?”
“I don’t think I could ever make him that mad.”
My therapist asked me why I didn’t see it as a red flag and I explained to her that the way he told the story made it seem like it was nothing. Simply put, he told me that him and his ex were home and she was mad about something so she started going off and then it became physical. She started hitting him so he slapped her. He made it seem like it was in “self defense” he has shown me pictures of this girl, she’s like 5”7 120 lbs. meanwhile, he’s 5’11 220 lbs of pure solid muscle (at the time of the incident). When he smacked her, she probably flew across the room. Of course I wasn’t thinking about any of these things when he initially told me.
That red flag should’ve been enough to get me to stop talking to him, but because I didn’t view it in a threatening/ dangerous way, We continued dating and in my eyes, everything was going well. Around the end of October I went to visit my sister and shared with her how excited I was about him.
..November, he showed me more..